Dear diary ... (Yeah I wanted to start like that). Dear Diary, today is February 15, 2021. As if COVID and the lack of social life weren't enough, today I start my day with all the Valentine's Day publications. Enough to stay frozen in my bed observing the ceiling with this sentence in mind "35 years old single without children... What to do with my life?"
Yet I think that in our time being single at 35 is more of a social fact than a mishap, isn't it? After all, one in three people are said to be single. But can we really say that we made this choice? I don't know about you but for me this year has been the one of all questions. Did I miss something? What if I had done this? Should I trust? Why can't I do it? Usually that's when I realize it's already late. Let’s continue.
The blues of a bachelor
They say that a single woman who assumes herself, it disturbs in a way. If it does not fit into the codes, it is more or less stigmatized. This is why the couple continues to impose themselves as the social norm and the ideal of happiness. #CoupleGoal
But between us, we all know couples who would do better to separate rather than suffer ... Fortunately not all of course, but I'm sure you know some too. So why is it always so common to hear "So and when is it for you? Child marriage?" Enough to feed my morning torment.
But looking back I think it's a bit like ice cream. Yes yes like ice cream. Few people don't like it. And when we offer it to someone, we say to ourselves that it should please him or her even if he or she has never tasted it.
Well our parents, who love us in general, and who are the first to remind us that time goes by, would like us to discover the pleasure of this ice cream like them. Sometimes it's even better ...
So, even if the intention is good, the result is not necessarily so. Fortunately in my entourage the subject does not come back too much but there are when other reminders ...
Well yeah, 35 years old single and alone at home ... Well, not all the time anyway but hey you understand. No dog, no cat, no goldfish in my life, I have Siri! And of course, loneliness is heavy sometimes.
There are the girlfriends via our Whatsapp group but without our small meetings it's not the same. And then to eat face to face with Netflix at the beginning it's great: 1 season in 1 weekend yeaaah. Then it becomes: déjà vu, déjà vu, déjà vu, argh and now what to do with my life? I warned you it's almost my evening prayer.
I understand better why Mme Flora, my little retired neighbor on the ground floor, was so happy to cois me when I was going to work. Anyway, sometimes I have to say it's pretty rough. The emotional desert is slowly undermining us and I haven't even talked about genetics yet.
The biological clock
I think that's the worst. Especially if you are neither for nor against living together, marriage, children, etc. The passing of time makes you think about it.
More than five years to have a child, more than four years ...
But no, you forget the progress of science. And this woman who gave birth at 70!
For my part, I tell myself that adoption is always an option. Providing a home to a child to put me to sleep is pretty good as a life project, isn't it? But for some people, this biological countdown becomes an obsession. To the point of not being able to bear to see happy young parents.
Sad observation you will tell me? But it's not all downsides to be single at 35. As I briefly mentioned at the beginning, this situation can be quite a choice, but also related to a lifestyle.
Indeed not to receive little romantic words for Valentine's Day can play on morale but I reassure you sometimes I congratulate myself on my choices.
Lying on my bed observing the ceiling, I was able to start meditation. Sitting cross-legged with my hands on my knees wasn't right for me so I listened to my body and took the time to work on myself in my own way.
These lines that I am writing allow me to let these thoughts wander through me and move on. I am fully connected to my emotions, and that is very important in order to be able to move forward.
The exchanges with colleagues haped by their children let me think that celibacy has particularly contributed to this. Finally, they do not make me want that after February 14th. Or when they fear that their partner will look away. We all have highs and lows, there is no perfect path. Some people grow better together, and others need to realize that loneliness can help too.
Finally, one of the chances that we 35-year-old singles have is to organize our lives as we see fit.
When you are a teenager you would like to but the means are sometimes lacking and at the first steps in working life it can also be tricky. But passed a certain milestone ... Here we go !!!
I go on a trip, I meet people. It did not necessarily succeed but hey, I would at least have discovered a new region. Just like that, leaving on a whim ... Something I never did when I was in a relationship.
But yes I was, I assure you. Everything had to be perfect. Well organized to enjoy every moment. And it has happened that it is. Since then I have learned to be more spontaneous and I love it!
In my professional life, too, I took the time to focus on the projects that were close to my heart. To write in particular.
The little pleasures
I built my life, and somewhere it suits me. When I ask myself what to do with my life now I follow up with "what do I already have?".
Nothing is perfect, and you always want what you don't have. But as you read his words think of someone who cannot see and for a moment you will appreciate having the sight, the hearing and touch him ...
Hope and well-being
As long as there is life ...
We say that we should not look for it to happen when it happens. I'm not sure if I believe it myself but one thing is certain, nobody knows what will be done tomorrow.
You have to know how to take advantage of the present moment. To think that what we sometimes take for failure is an experience. I believe that life has many surprises in store for us, and when you are in tune with yourself, things happen on their own.
Maybe I'll find someone tomorrow or maybe I won't, but moping is never good. And besides, it does not enhance us. So at the next signs of depression, ask yourself what you could be doing right now instead of what you would have done if ...
Try new experiences, podcasts, drawing, online training, a skills assessment with a few questions, jogging in the rain. What does it matter! No need to make a list get started ASAP. You will find that sometimes that is all you need. A small impulse that gives you back a positive energy. Applying to react like this every time can make a difference.
So yes I am 35 years old I am single and childless but today I am delighted to have spent a few hours writing these lines. I hope a few will be useful, they will at least keep me occupied for a while. It all whetted my appetite. Now what to do? Find a cookie recipe.
I wish you a good life. 😉