This is a huge subject ... I think we've all been there or at least very many. Overcome a breakup is not easy. I decided to start writing this article, hoping that it will be useful to as many people as possible, but I would like to point out that in this article it will mainly be about the case of painful or sudden rupture as you can imagine. . But in a romantic relationship this decision can be made by mutual agreement without any negative emotions. In this case the situation may be different from what we will see together here.
Let's start with the beginning
Over 90 % people ever experience a romantic disappointment. Whether in high school, college or adulthood. Even after marriage and years of dating, separation is not inevitable.
After a breakup, negative things invade the mind. For example, you are sad or angry. Separation is a painful phase and some doctors sometimes even compare it to what it feels like after a death. We even talk about "mourning love". And do not think that men go through this kind of situation better than women, no one is immune. That feeling that everything you have built together is reduced to nothing in a snap. future may not see the light of day and all you have left is your past memories.
Romantic breakups are delicate situations that can involve risks to consider and affect our way of life. Loss of appetite or vice versa, fatigue, mental disorders, suicide are some of the best known examples. Of course, this varies from person to person.
Before looking at solutions, I suggest you delve a little more into the different phases that follow a breakup. But you can also go directly to the point you are interested in using the table of contents.
The different post-rupture phases
After separation, a person usually goes through different stages. Each of these phases requires time, periods that would be impossible to estimate. You can read that there are 5 or 10 but in my opinion it is important to simply remember that it varies from person to person. I suggest you discover some of them.
- The phase of devastation
The devastation begins when your partner announces their intention to leave you. It is the stage which remains the most difficult to overcome. In some cases you think it is the end of your life, a nightmare that you wish you could wake up from. There are even cases where the person will find himself in a second state, catatonic, the cause of which is emotional shock according to psychologists.
It is a period of regrets and questions. A moment when you say to yourself, I should have done this, acted like this, avoided that etc ... A form of introspection not always very objective. The goal is to identify in one's own actions a way to correct things and bring about a return to "normal". It is a phase that is sometimes recognizable by a tendency to move away from those around you in order to close in on yourself. Special vigilance here because this can be the harbinger of the onset of depression.
When no solution is identified, it is not uncommon to want to externalize the frustration and helplessness in the face of the situation and this by expressing anger. It will manifest itself by perhaps cries and insults surely. But tears can also express some form of anger. Just like radical changes: change of look, new habits, new style of dress, haircut consumption of alcohol ... Anger can manifest itself in many forms. Be careful not to let it dominate you in order to approach the next phase in the best conditions.
- The withdrawal
Romantic relationships lead some couples to a state of dependence. This is especially harmful after a separation. In fact, the abandoned person wants to feel the presence of his ex by his side. It is therefore no coincidence that the term weaning is used. Indeed, it is possible to assimilate this physiological need to a drug. Just like step 1, this is something you have to be able to accept. Likewise, you have to accept nostalgia and fear. Breaking up does not mean forgetting and when everything did not go as planned we are sometimes prey to doubts. Let us remember that the obstacles are made to be overcome with the next phase.
- The recovery also called recovery
Your mind is now more peaceful you have managed to take a step back. Starting a new life with someone is a new part of your plans. A positive conclusion, isn't it ?! In any case, that's what I wish you. Note, however, that you should not rush things. Don't look for a simple replacement for your previous story. The "dressing relationship" is seldom lasting. But that can be a choice just like a relationship purely turned on the sexual desire. but it is still a vast subject. At this stage to avoid falling back into the same cycle I would tell you to be sure of what you want and that it is in agreement with your partner. After getting over a breakup, don't try to make someone else feel how you felt. This may be a sign that you are not yet fully in this recovery phase. Remember anger can ....
Tip #1: Let go.
After a sentimental break-up, as with classic mourning, it can happen that we try to keep certain feelings deep inside. Sometimes out of pride or for other reasons we deny ourselves the right to express pain, grief ... But remember this simple sentence "You have the right to feel this and to let go". So do it but above all without restraint.
If it gnaws at you in the street and you feel like screaming, push it as long as you don't harm anyone. Cry if your heart needs it. Whether you are a man or a woman you have the right to shed tears.
Your sadness is like a cavity, you can choose to pretend it doesn't exist. However, it may be more painful afterwards. It can happen to anyone to have a cavity or to be sad after a break-up. Whether in privacy or surrounded by loved ones, accept to let go, once, twice, three times if necessary. It will be better afterwards.
Tip #2: No pressure
There is no standard length of time to overcome a breakup. It takes more or less time depending on the person and it is quite normal. Each situation is unique, and each individual will have their own way of going through this period.
There is also no shame in feeling good immediately after a breakup. You have to listen to your body, not push things back. However, if the relationship was toxic and it ended you felt a sense of relief, don't force yourself to feel pain either. Even if in the movies these are endless stages, it is possible that for you it only lasts a few days.
Conversely, do not rush things. As indicated in the first tip you have to accept what you feel and sometimes it can take time.
Tip #3: Think of yourself
Take a moment to read this part carefully, avoiding any distractions and visualizing it well.
Here we are ? "You had a life before this relationship!"
Yes ! You spent time with your family, made discoveries, met people. Maybe you have had other relationships before, or even other breakups who knows ... Remember that you have experienced things and that you will live again if you allow yourself to do so.
In the breakup, what usually hurts is to realize that we will not do the things we had planned with the person from whom we are separating. But that doesn't mean you won't be able to do these things at all!
As a rule there are compromises in all couples. Take a step back and think back to those things that you may have put aside, canceled, postponed ...
A little outing with colleagues after work? Moving ? Food for your ex's allergies? A project ? Allow yourself to think only of yourself for a while. Reading personal development books or podcasts can help realize your potential.
Tip #4: Cut the bridges
If you find it difficult to come to terms with the separation, staying in touch will not help. Talking about it for a while is one thing, but hanging on to things that remind you of your ex, won't help you get over it.
Pictures on the fridge, texting "just" to check in and keeping tabs on your life using social media are things that will do you more harm than good. Ideally, it would be good if your mutual friends didn't put you in a tight spot. It's a good thing to tell them clearly. Sometimes wanting to help loved ones can unintentionally hurt.
Of course in the event that you have left by mutual agreement and that everyone is living it well, this advice will not apply entirely or not entirely. Likewise if you have children together there will be some adjustments. This is also the case for all advice must adapt to your situation.
Tip #5: Be honest with yourself
Romantic relationships are rarely perfect in every way. And often in the devastation phase, you mostly remember the good things and that's what hurts. Then when the anger comes, we think back to the faults of the person from whom we separated.
But it's important to keep things straight from the start. To accept that everything was not perfect, that the other had faults and that we have them too. To realize that the rupture often brings to light things that you no longer want to experience as well as changes that you have to make on yourself. This is an opportunity to take stock, to become aware of what went wrong and it is very possible that this will be useful to you in the future.
The idea is not to blame yourself but to be really honest with yourself. In my opinion, taking the time to do this in writing is a plus.
Tip #6: Externalize
Many people express negative feelings with the help of food. It is possible to evoke chocolates. This is neither a good nor a bad idea if you want my opinion as long as there is no excess or addiction. But the limit is not always obvious.
Stay away from cigarettes and alcohol. The best way to express your feelings is to talk to a friend or to healthcare professionals such as psychologists if you are feeling very, very bad. Through the presence of these people, you will remove bad thoughts from your head. Do not withdraw, you are not alone. You can also consider mediation. The objective is not to compensate but to help you move on to something else in good conditions.
Tip #7: Change the air
One of the best tips I could give you to escape black ideas is to get a change of scenery. Get out of your daily routine. See something else for a while.
This can be an opportunity to visit a relative you haven't seen for a long time. Simply avoid taking over a common project and favor a new idea.
Tip #8: Smile!
Nothing more than that. Smile and your body will do the rest. Have you ever had the experience of being in front of someone who is smiling and feeling the urge to do the same ?!
Well this has happened to all of us at least once. And what's even more interesting is that it can also work with your own reflection. Stand in front of a mirror and smile. Do not make faces, but smile, discreetly or widely with or without teeth. Do this exercise as often as possible even if you are not in a very happy mood. Little by little, your body will give you reasons to smile. It may be asking yourself "What am I doing?" but whatever, smile you will see that it feels good. 🙂
When to start a new relationship
Again there is no exact length of time but ideally you should have fully accepted the end of the previous relationship before starting a new one.
Avoid "dressing relationships", this often remains a bad memory for one of the two even if at the beginning we agree on the terms.
At the end of the day, your best bet is not to wonder and to feel things. If all goes well after you get over your breakup, you will naturally be inclined to share a good time with someone and maybe build a new relationship.
Live fully this will be my final advice ;-).